Everyone got to Nitin's house by 7 after the 'Just Around The Corner' GB meet. The parents and relatives at Nitin's place included: Nitin's mother and father, his sister and brother-in-law, Rajat's sister, Harpreet's mother, his sister and his aunt. A heartening feature of Meet 2 was the presence of male relatives, Mr. Karani and Nitin's brother-in-law, as the last meet had only female relatives; mothers and aunts. So in a way it was like building on the success of the first meet. Nitin's bro-in-law enthusiastically asserted that lesbian presence would greatly enrich the meets perspective-wise, and that could be the distinguishing feature of Meet 3, which GB will announce in due course.

There was the initial breaking-the-ice round of introductions. Vikram then explained to the parents and relatives what GayBombay is all about, the beginnings as a mailing list, the decision to meet at MacDonalds every fortnight, the activities like the Hep-B vaccinations, the parties etc. that characterize the group. He also touched on the necessity for a parents and relatives meet, both for them to have a support network for themselves, as well as to strengthen their relationship with their gay kids.

Viraf eloquently explained how GB helps in the process of Coming Out, and dwelt on family reactions to it. Vikram talked about how individual parents can differ in their reactions to The News, and how the reactions of the In-takers may be quite contrary to what the Out-comers anticipated. The parents and relatives narrated their individual reactions to Out-comings, Nitin narrated his much-loved 'Case of the Locked Drawer' outcoming story. 

The synergy in GayBombay is so wonderful: not only do incredibly diverse viewpoints get discussed, people turn really passionate articulating often diametrically opposite viewpoints, and yet there comes a point in the discussion where a droll comment gets everyone breaking into grins and the mercury plummeting again. Lovely stuff. The following issues got discussed in the meandering discussion:

01) The 'Don't talk about it to anyone else' issue: most out-comers (gays coming out) get told by their in-takers (whom they come out to) not to tell anyone else, for fear of social stigma.

02) This was followed by 'How to deal with the WAYMY (Why areN't you (or why isn't your son) married yet)' question. There was the suggestion of MoC, marriage of convenience with a lesbian, but it evoked little response. 'A' articulated the gay response to the question, the counterask 'What is you were a lesbian?' or 'Imagine if your younger sister was married to a gay guy'. Then there was a hearty consensus on the need to tell the girl everything very clearly before taking the step, if at all. 'B' dwelt on how parents tend not to 'give up hope' long after the child comes out. 

At this point a mom categorically stressed that in no circumstances must the girl be cheated. She talked about the redundancy of fretting about what people think, and maintained that one can be fully involved in society and yet not be answerable to people about the personal decisions one takes. She said that other relatives should help the parents see reality and help them deal with it instead of making the parents force the guy to marry. Dad likened marriage to an exam, where you wouldn't know if you'll pass or fail until you've taken it. 'C''s response was that maybe one does not want to appear in that subject at all; if one is interested in 'arts', why take 'science', for example.

03) 'D' opined that marriage was not indispensable to social status, there could be many reasons to not get married and there were lots of bachelors leading happy productive lives out there. 'E' explained how married gays, even when in a relationship with single gays,face the enormous task of keeping everyone happy, the agony of the enforced two timing eventually stresses everyone out. Both lives get spoilt.

04) Jeej brought up the issue of social stigma. He asked "how many of you all are genuinely out and proud to everyone? And in case you are not, how do you expect the parents and relatives to be? He said there should be more social acceptance, and for that the gay guys themselves should be chin-up about it. 
Sis1 talked about the necessity to give the family time to get used to the fact. Aunty said we, the parents and relatives should get together more often for reassurance. She felt that since she loves her child, she should change _herself_. 'Why should my child suffer? Once the family accepts it, the world starts accepting too. Happiness of the child is supreme, above the issue of social stigma'. 'F' stressed that it was most important that fathers support their gay sons. 

05) Sis&Jeej bemoaned how long one can continue giving excuses to relatives. Shouldn't the gay guys have some respect for the sentiments and social well beings of the families too, and can't a part of their lives be a little less intense to ensure peace? 'G' opined that our realities are not like 'having a beer against daddy's advice'; they were a far more intimate and integral part of ourselves and so it was difficult to do so. Jeej spoke about the need for resources to help the parents and relatives cope and we passed around the PFLAG material printouts. He acknowledged that GB was doing a great job in this regard. 

06) Aunt opined that families with intercaste marriages or highly educated families may be more sensitive to diversity in general and individual difference issues in particular because they face them more often than others. 

07) Then came the Issue issue, how the children the relatives have will be affected by having a gay cousin/uncle/brother. Some parents and relatives said they hadn't really thought about it yet, but yes, they may be affected. They hadn't really thought about their own children being gay either, but now that it had come up, yes, they would.

08) Sis2 talked about how dangerous some of our lifestyles may be, the cruising at the Walls etc., how it worried her sick everytime her brother went out, not knowing when he will be back. Another raise-your-hands followed, how many parents knew where their kids were when they went out. 'H' countered that that wasn't necessarily a gay issue, any bunch of kids would have its share of nay-tellers. 

09) Post coming-out: do the parents worry less or more? Coming out is very important for parents to know their children well, and to explain so many things, but sadly, the reality seems to be that coming out makes them worry for the child's safety even more. 

10) Jeej: "What kind of trouble do you get into? We would like to know so that in case that dreaded 3 a.m. call from a cops station arrives, we know what to do, we have a Backup Plan." Some asserted they'd never had any cop trouble ever, some narrated grim experiences they underwent. 'I' wondered why it was all being made out to be so horrible, and Sis1 maintained that even str8 people had similar problems and it was more dependent on an individuals lifestyle that dictated whether he got into trouble or not. 

11) Which brought us to the Ultimate Backup Plan, a commited long term relationship with a same-sex partner, Jeej: "Long term relationship...as long as he's happy, its okay" That was the general attitude of the parents and relatives, they'd prefer a stable relationship to a 'hop, skip and jump' with various partners. As far as how comfortable would they be with the couple going out for family functions like wedding receptions and poojas together, they said they hadn't thought that far as yet, but would accept it, they guessed. 

Another thing I found characteristically culturally Indian and frankly very cute was how, in deference to the presence of elders, nobody bulldozed in with a discussion of gay sex; in fact everyone carefully managed to discuss the issue comprehensively without getting explicit and causing anyone embarassment, using terms like 'physical needs', 'bodily pleasures', etc. in complete contrast with our brazen term-hurling intra-GB discussions.  

12) Sis1 asked about how we deal with adverse coming out experiences, and 'J' talked about the need for the out-comer to persevere and provide resources and be patient with the in-taker, because often the non-acceptance is a knee-jerk reaction and people come around in due course. 'K' said we often underestimate our families and their capacity for acceptance. 

And then there was the final consensus that this communication was vital, we needed more of these meetings happening so that we could understand each other better.  Bala presented the Karanis with a gift on behalf of everyone in GB, and then we had dinner.