Alcoholism

A womyn friend mentioned the high prevalence of alcoholics in the community and how a counselor attributed it to low self esteem and depression. How true was this? Was there a correlation.  People resort to mood elevators to feel better about themselves. In alcoholism, the anger is usually directed outwards, while in depression it is inward, manifesting in self-mutilation,
suicidal thoughts etc.

Relationships

She also mentioned a study that claimed that lesbians in relationships are less prone to heterosexual women in relationships because the relationship dynamic is better among lesbians.

[At this point Vikram very gleefully told the joke about queers and second dates:
What do lesbians bring on the second date? Ans. A moving truck.
What do gaymen bring on the second date? Ans. What second date?!]

There was also a discussion on how there are so many lesbian couple suicides in India, and none by male couples, and what must be the reason.
Socio-economic conditions; males can cohabit more easily, move towns easily. They have more of a choice. Women and their relationships with each other are invisiblised.
The effect of depression on relationships is serious. It clouds judgment. Don't break up or start a relationship because of it. If your partner is a depressive, let her treat it first and then take a relationship decision.

Sexual Promiscuity or Loss of Libido

Both are likely. Erectile dysfunction may be seen. Its hard to say which is the cause and which is the effect. The anti-depressants may cause it. Depression and erectle dysfunction can be a vicious circle.

Coming Out Process

It can be very depressive and can happen at an early age. After going through so much trouble and coming out on the scene with stars (and green contact lenses) in their eyes, many young people are disillusioned with what they find. It is an anti-climax. Narcissistic self-hating bitchy queens, the sleep-around merry go round, the humiliating sentiment of being cohorts in some kind of crime that is unfortunately still so prevalent in the community. its tough. One feels unwanted unless one fits in. Its only a few who really persevere and find people who fulfill their emotional and spiritual needs of friendship and company.

We must also remember that the 'queer community' is not a composite entity to give us things on a platter. We have to work to find our own place under the sun, to get fulfillment and satisfaction in our relationships. There are 'non-queer' reasons for being depressed too1

Age

As elsewhere in the world, Age Apartheid raises its ugly troll-head on occasion. Those who are thirty want to be twenty-nine. Those who are forty-two want to be forty-one. Its ridiculous. The party scene is youth and beauty centric and some feel left out. (Mind, its also true that many fat or old people will not touch OTHER fat or old people with a ten-foot barge pole. But will keep whining about how unloved they are.)

Optimism

But thanks to support structures like Queer Bombay, a lot of us are finding friends and soulmates who fulfill us in ways other than the physical, by acknowledging that we are people, not just sex-possibilities. (Here I'm reminded of our own home-grown Saint Umang, who offered a place in his heart to a kid looking for a "place" at a cruising point. The kid promptly
scooted, but such piety!). All in all, it's reassuring to have a set of friends we can fall back on.

Self-acceptance

It is very important. But even after coming out of denial and accepting oneself, one may not necessarily come out of depression. Self pity and mourning for perceived loss need to be combated. Also there is a limit to which we can believe studies or "latest research" about depression. We cannot chart our lives from statistics.

Seeking support

When should we start seeking support? Often friends and family notice the symptoms first and seek help. The thumb rule is the symptoms mentioned above. If 4 or more of them last for 4 or more weeks, seek help. In developing countries, especially with cultures fostering fatalistic
attitudes, depression often goes unreported and under-diagnosed.

Grief and Bereavement

Mourning over loss is natural for around 6 months. But if depressive symptoms persist after that, seek help. Even if we don't go to a professional - its good to just talk to someone. Anyone supportive - friends, family. This section I found to be particularly relevant. In the space of four months from Feb to June this year, I lost 4 loved ones, and talking to friends really helped.
[One of the losses was of Quentin, my spiritual cyber-mommy. Quentin would write in to me with earnest congratulations to the group, after every such special meeting report. He had a special place in his heart for the Parents and Relatives meetings. Once when he was here in Bombay he told me with tears in his eyes how glad he was that QueerBombay, of all groups in Asia, managed to pull off something like this not once, but many times. Not a single day passes for me without thinking of him. He worked with torture victims prone to depression. He doubtlessly would have written an eloquent, thoughtful mail describing his views on each subsection of this report.]

Helping a depressed person

Delicate handling. Subtly point things out; casually suggest counseling. So often when we come out to our parents or don't get married, they get depressed. We are accused as a cause, especially in our culture where parental identification with children and also their expectations are so high. If we do not conform, they may make us feel guilty. First we must remove our own guilt. We are who we are, and are not responsible for another's emotional health beyond a point. There are recurring cycles.
Relatives ask mothers the same questions about the queer son's marriage and trigger off the depression again.
Our emotional center moves from 'zero' (neither happy nor sad' permanently to, say, 'minus one' (a little sad). We need to get in touch with other queer support systems. Counseling, non-queer spaces have useful group therapy. People shared many anecdotes. [I think we should have a queer laughing club! GB film festivals unwittingly play a superb role in this regard. There is usually one side-splittingly funny film at the fest which has everyone ROFLing.
As far as emotional dependency of a depressed friend on us is concerned: be polite but firm about how much load you can take. There is the phenomenon of transference and counter-transference. Sometimes the one trying to help may get a kick out of all the attention. But don't use 'support' for such reasons.

Coping

Queer people cope in many ways - they may marry and/or be celibate or have clandestine affairs on the side. This reminds me of Zo's theory of 'fight-flee-freeze as three common responses to a situation. Defense
mechanisms protect us in many situations. We rationalize. One might break the chain of depression by getting out of the vicious circle of reasons.
Drama Queenery may also be one such coping mechanism! But never treat depression as a joke. It is a serious illness. AIDS also has added to the coping load of many people, particularly activists. Careers particularly prone to depression were discussed. There is also a change in perspective.
Many of us believed we needed long-term lovers to feel complete, but now we realize that even as single people we are complete. Never say "cheer up, cheer up" to a depressed person, or make her feel guilty about it. Sometimes it is futile trying to control others' emotions and striving to be 'perfect' all the time.

Stigma

There is a stigma associated with an entire range of mental illnesses. "I'm not mad". It is only when the economic impact of the depression is felt, for example staying away from work, or loss of productivity, that people seek help.

Treatment

Psychotherapy and Medication. There are different kinds of both. Treatments usually include the conjunction of both. Myths about anti-depressants abound. 'You will get addicted to them', 'you don't need them', 'they wont work'. The dependency depends on duration of taking the drug and triggering of reactive components. There may be side effects. These may in a few cases include dry mouth, blurred vision, problems in getting and maintaining an erection, insomnia. The newer drugs have fewer side effects. Always remember NEVER TO SELF-MEDICATE. Drugs take 2-4 weeks to work.

Other mental illnesses

Anxiety attacks due to real or perceived homophobia, obsessive compulsive disorders.

Suggestions to help deal with depression

Here everyone gave their own suggestions for beating the blues: Any activity that you like can help: Family support was considered important, as was spirituality. Suggestions included meditation; yoga; reiki, cooking, 'sublimation', aromatherapy, cooking, music, setting sun, sleep, walkman, netsurfing, chat, watching porn, sufi music, thinking of worse-off people, meeting friends, reading, fighting, remembering achievement milestones, talking to best friends, shopping, movies, smelling flowers, Beethoven, watching Pakeezah, masturbation, going to the ocean, writing, doing something that holds your attention, make faces at mirror, count blessings, write poetry, clean bookshelves, go to forest, search for birds, scorpions and snakes, Tamil songs, indulge self in restaurant.